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Superman: The Last Family of Krypton #3

Superman: The Last Family of Krypton #3

Scheduled to arrive in stores: October 6, 2010

Cover date: December 2010

Writer: Cary Bates
Art: Renato Arlem

Neal Bailey Reviewed by: Neal Bailey

Click to enlarge


Jor-El visits Oa, where the Guardians warn him that his actions have stopped the birth of the age of heroes (Batman, Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Flash) by preventing the catalysts that would have created their alter-egos.

Lex postulates that kryptonite is mutable, and can be immunized against.

Soon after, Jor-El surprises Lex with Lex Gel, a cure for male pattern baldness, and gives him some of the profits so that Lex never has to worry about money ever again.

Superman saves a crowd of people from a tsunami, but Jor-El chides him for not using enough heat vision in his first blast.

A sniper tries to kill Lois and Clark while Lois reassures Clark that Jor-El was too hard on him. Superman catches the sniper.

Bru goes into therapy, and Valora works as a senate's aide.

Lara goes into Jor-El's sanctum and sees that he is actually obsessively watching the world to prevent another Krypton from happening. She leaves him.

Jor-El kicks Bru-El out of the house.

Lara opens a massive complex dedicated to Raology called Lara Land.

Lex Luthor takes Bru-El aside and offers him immunity to Kryptonite.

Valora saves the senator from an exploding geyser.

Lex Luthor blasts Bru with kryptonite, then shows that he is now bald and wants to take over Jor-El's position. He's even reprogrammed B.

Jor-El goes to the sanctum and, thanks to being bombarded with subliminal images of his family, decides to get back with Lara.

Lex reprograms Bru to kill Jor-El and wipes his mind. Bru-El attempts to kill Jor-El, but Lara takes the brunt of the blast.

Lara remains in a coma, and Bru is mentally scrubbed.

Lex goes on television and indicates that Jor-El's technology is burrowing into the Earth. Really Lex is doing it, in an attempt to "save" the world and take Jor-El's place, thinking him dead.

Superman, Jor-El, and Valora attack the tower, but Lex has defenses in place that prevent them from entering.

They go underground to attack the tower, but it also has a force field down there.

B turns on Lex and takes him out because Lex proclaims his superiority to B. Superman cuts through the force field with another piece of force field, and convinces B to commit suicide by stopping the tower from destroying Earth, because he'll be stopped eventually anyway, and Superman promises he'll be remembered as a hero.

Doomsday cultists kill the Waynes, and Bruce decides to become a hero (despite being about thirty looking).

Lara dies of a stealth virus in the blast from Bru, leaving Lara Land to her followers. Brainiac is labeled a hero. Valora runs for congress. Bru slowly regains his mind. Jor-El becomes a wandering hermit, and Superman remains Superman.

1Story - 1: Okay, beyond the writing flaws, here's my major concern with the story. Here's the entire summary, with all of the irrelevant/fanservice/inessential bits in bold:

    Jor-El visits Oa, where the Guardians warn him that his actions have stopped the birth of the age of heroes (Batman, Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Flash) by preventing the catalysts that would have created their alter-egos.

    Lex postulates that kryptonite is mutable, and can be immunized against.

    Soon after, Jor-El surprises Lex with Lex Gel, a cure for male pattern baldness, and gives him some of the profits so that Lex never has to worry about money ever again.

    Superman saves a crowd of people from a tsunami, but Jor-El chides him for not using enough heat vision in his first blast.

    A sniper tries to kill Lois and Clark while Lois reassures Clark that Jor-El was too hard on him. Superman catches the sniper.

    Bru goes into therapy, and Valora works as a senate's aide.

    Lara goes into Jor-El's sanctum and sees that he is actually obsessively watching the world to prevent another Krypton from happening. She leaves him.

    Jor-El kicks Bru-El out of the house.

    Lara opens a massive complex dedicated to Raology called Lara Land.

    Lex Luthor takes Bru-El aside and offers him immunity to Kryptonite.

    Valora saves the senator from an exploding geyser.

    Lex Luthor blasts Bru with kryptonite, then shows that he is now bald and wants to take over Jor-El's position. He's even reprogrammed B.

    Jor-El goes to the sanctum and, thanks to being bombarded with subliminal images of his family, decides to get back with Lara.

    Lex reprograms Bru to kill Jor-El and wipes his mind. Bru-El attempts to kill Jor-El, but Lara takes the brunt of the blast.

    Lara remains in a coma, and Bru is mentally scrubbed.

    Lex goes on television and indicates that Jor-El's technology is burrowing into the Earth. Really Lex is doing it, in an attempt to "save" the world and take Jor-El's place, thinking him dead.

    Superman, Jor-El, and Valora attack the tower, but Lex has defenses in place that prevent them from entering.

    They go underground to attack the tower, but it also has a force field down there.

    B turns on Lex and takes him out because Lex proclaims his superiority to B. Superman cuts through the force field with another piece of force field, and convinced B to commit suicide by stopping the tower from destroying Earth, because he'll be stopped eventually anyway, and Superman promises he'll be remembered as a hero.

    Doomsday cultists kill the Waynes, and Bruce decides to become a hero (despite being about thirty looking).

    Lara dies of a stealth virus in the blast from Bru, leaving Lara Land to her followers. Brainiac is labeled a hero. Valora runs for congress. Bru slowly regains his mind. Jor-El becomes a wandering hermit, and Superman remains Superman.

That's more than half. Of the rest, the story seems to be as such: Lex Luthor becomes evil for no apparent reason, without catalyst beyond an ambition he's had no way to develop, and he's stopped by a computer program he created.

Is that an Elseworlds? I don't know. It might be. But there doesn't seem to be much substance here. I have no identity in any of the characters save Superman, and he's relegated to a dismissed, tiny role in this. Jor-El's foolish. Lara's a new wave dip. Bru's a snotty twit. Valora has gifts that save people's lives that she arbitrarily gives up to be "human."

These people suck.

There's also the writing issues, where almost every page sports dialogue that tells you what's happening in the story, a no-no in a medium where you tell the story with pictures. Choice examples of the awful, with some commentary:

"Tsunami!" "M-Must be 100 feet high!" "No way we'll ever outrun it!" "Maybe we won't have to!"

Me: "Isn't it amazing we can have a conversation while fleeing that giant @$#%ing tsunami!"

"Magma burst! Look out!"

Me: You're not even facing the magma, dummy.

"Eyahh! Those beams--" "Kryptonite radiation! He's overflowing with it!"

Me: Overemphasis! You has it!

"Great Rao! She took a direct hit!"

Me: Really? I thought it was just a massive blast to the chest!

"Oofff! That was no ordinary force-field!"

Me: Actually, that's correct. It's a super-ultra force field (see, I did read the comic!). But then, you cut a force field with a force field... doesn't that make it less of a field, more of a crystal?

Lara breaks up with Jor-El, then essentially brainwashes him back into being with her. Seems henky.

The thing that bugged me the most, I think, was the way that the Guardians indicate that there's a way the world should be with Jor-El. First, how do they know this? Second, what makes a universe right or wrong? I mean, I'm sure if Batman had the choice of a universe where his parents are SHOT TO DEATH vs. the world where they live and peace reigns, he'd go with dead parents, right? Uh-huh.

But the biggest thing about the biggest thing that bugged me was the way that Wonder Woman was casually dismissed and ignored. C'mon. Green Arrow more important than Wonder Woman? Gimme a break.

3Art - 3: I had no real problems with the art, but nothing really stuck out as incredible, either. It told the story as intended, and was not unclear in any way, but I found no special panels that I will take with me to my grave. Average.

3Cover Art - 3: War is El? Really? Yeesh.

The image is expertly rendered in paint, but there's nothing overtly striking about it. It's like looking at an intricately rendered fruit basket. Yes, these are the characters in this story, but what is drawing me in about this cover, beyond the fact that it features characters I know? That's the same problem with the story, come to think of it.

Mild Mannered Reviews

2010

Note: Month dates are from the issue covers, not the actual date when the comic went on sale.

January 2010

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